I fell for my best friend (Part1)

So….

How it all began?

We been friends for four years and it’s been great but suddenly, what in the world?? Why??

I start having feelings for him. Day after day, the feelings just kept getting real. Our friendship is priceless, we talked about everything, literally everything, every problem, every flaw, he even knows my ‘scent’ if I haven’t shower , he seen me sweating through my clothes under my armpits ( yes, I sound disgusting ) but my point is we became really comfortable around each other. And that’s why I hate this, if I pursue my feelings for him (I mean tell him), if this goes wrong. I lose a friend. A really thoughtful, caring, friend.

But, if you must know, I’m a straightforward person, and I always pursue what I want. So I’m not backing off, (I sound incredibly stupid). So one day, there’s this really cute video on twitter with a Justin Bieber song with the caption, send this to your crush and my incredibly stupid fingers just tag him this video. I’m terrified of what he might say, his reaction. But what incredibly shocking and heart breaking is that I got NOTHING. NO REPLY.

And my overthinking woman brain would just be sending SOS signal thinking that this is a rejection. I just got REJECTED by my best friend. Life could have been better. But my heart hurts so badly and to make it worse I’m on my period, my unstable sad hormones would just bursting out. I cried, yes I cried, I feel so stupid and my friends definitely thought I was overreacting but I just can’t contain it. My heart really hurts and crying is my way of letting it out.

And Oh God, to make it worse I saw him replying a tweet of a girl that likes him but he said he didn’t like back but he didn’t replied to me.

But before this, before all of this madness, a small part of me thought that he liked me, probably that’s why I went through with it. And now, were not talking because class is over and its finals season and I have not seen him in ages. And this is stupid for me to say but I miss him. My heart’s a joke. Why would I miss him? I supposed to figure out how to forget him. How??? I want to be able to stop thinking of him. Oh God, please only let my heart likes the one who are meant for me. I just wished this semester would end faster.